Easy, easy win for North

Cam Fowler scored 3 goals and assisted on 2 as the North beat the South 16-3 Sunday.

BERLIN, Germany – Home ice advantage apparently means little in an all-star game. On Sunday, the “Visiting” Northern Conference stars, coached by Nikolai Kulemin, completely obliterated Jochen Hecht’s Southern Conference team 16-3. It was the most lopsided all-star game ever, unseating the Season 5 game that the North won 10-3 outdoors in Helsinki, Finland.

The Southern Conference’s defense didn’t hit because it was an all-star game, and apparentky they didn’t skate because of too much bratwurst in the dressing room before the game. Goalie Frederik Andersen (Bratislava), Robin Lehner (Madrid) and Tuukka Rask (Paris) were scorched in the game. Andersen, who has the best goalie stats in the league, allowed 7 goals … in just one period.

Meanwhile, at the other end of the rink, the three North goalies had a pretty easy time of things. Filip Forsberg (Munich) scored twice for the “home” team and Sean Couturier (Madrid) added one. But that was it for the South, which is now 3-7 in All-Star games.

After Minsk forward Thomas Powell made it 6-1 in the first period, players on both sides started smiling and joking around and the German fans picked up the mood, cheering progressively louder with each North goal.

Many Northern Conference skaters wished their stats from the game would be added to their season stats, but Sepp Blatter announced the goals and assists in Berlin would probably not count for toward season stats, but he added “Nothing is for sure in life. Who knows what messages I might get from player agents in the next few days.”

This German-made 2019 Volkswagen Arteon now belongs to Stockholm Eagle Cam Fowler.

Defenseman Cam Fowler, who played the game alongside his Stockholm teammate Zach Bogosian, was named the outstanding player of the game after scoring 3 goals and adding 2 assists. For his amazing showing, Fowler wins the keys to a 2019 German-made Volkswagen Arteon.

Others who scored more than one goal for the North were Jordan Eberle (Gothenburg), ”fourth-liner” Mikko Lehtonen (Belfast), and “fifth-liner” Jamie Benn (Edinburgh). Defensemen Nick Leddy (Moscow) and Northern Confernce captain Maxim Chudinov (Minsk) each had 3 assists.

Some of the North’s shine was blocked out by the words of Forsberg after the game. The Munich winger criticized the selection process which failed to include his friend and teammate David Krecji. “David is second in the league in assists and sixth in points but he wasn’t good enough to make the all-star team? The general managers and league officials are villains. Criminals,” Forsberg said. “In Munich we will show you. David will win the scoring title and we will carry the Cup at the end of the year just to show everyone how crooked they are.”

Blatter, the league’s Director of Discipline and Player Safety, said Forsberg would face an undisclosed monetary fine due to his comments.

“We are pretty dishonest. I know at least I am,” Blatter said. “But in general, those who tell the truth should do so knowing they risk making a donation to our bank accounts. This incident seems like a good excuse to remind the players and owners of that.”