EURO League officials acted quickly in the wake of a vicious elbow delivered Friday night to the head of veteran Henrik Zetterberg, captain of the Bern Bears. Zetterberg is expected to be out of action for up to 4 weeks. 

This morning, league commissioner Chuck Massaro announced the hiring of a Director of Player Discipline who has already reviewed the incident and assessed a suspension to the offending player, rookie Par Arlbrandt of Milan. 

Joseph “Sepp” Blatter

“We would like to announce the hiring of former FIFA president Sepp Blatter as our first Director of Player Discipline,” Massaro said in a press conference at league headquarters in Vienna today. Blatter recently resigned his post as longtime president of the world’s governing body for international soccer amid a U.S.-led investigation into bribery and other corruption allegations. 

“We have actually been looking at hiring Sepp for some time now,” Massaro said. “Fortunately the pending indictment frees him up to spend time with Rose and me at HQ.”

Asked if he was worried about Blatter’s alleged ties with corruption, Massaro said, “Sepp promised us he has never and would never take any more bribes relating to international soccer.” 

In a related note, the commissioner said the move should result in 5 to 10 percent increase in league and personal revenue. “That’s a positive thing,” Massaro said.

Blatter, 79, hails from the town of Visp in southern Switzerland, growing up in area nearly equidistant from Bern, Geneva, Zurich and Milan.