Rose had her secretarial and accounting projects under control in the league office and she was planning to start a batch of pierogis when she saw the post about Tyler Myers having taken only 9 shots this season.
“Holy Schmokes!” she said. “No goals and only 9 shots for the giant Myers?!”
She pushed aside the baking equipment and looked at the stats for more disappointing performances as the league nears the end of its first quarter. Here’s what she came up with, an observation for each team:
Athens – Gosh, Mr. Wiercioch: The free agent acquisition is taking a while to mesh with his new teammates. His plus-minus rating isn’t terrible, but it’s the worst on the team; and no other God has spent more time in the penalty box. He is 30 years old and on a pace to score fewer goals and points than he has in the last three seasons. Not what GM Stephen R was hoping for when he made Wiercioch the team’s highest-paid defenseman.
Belfast – Nico Hovi-none: The Giants win games with their tsunami offense, but it would be really nice if their best goalie would hop on and ride the wave with them. Nico Hovinen’s 86.9 save percentage is 3rd worst among starting goalies in the EURO League.
Berlin – Ryan Hartman, Ryan Hartman: I was going to point out that top center Ryan Nugent-Hopkins has the worst faceoff win percentage among all EURO centers, but something more important is happening down on the third line. Erik Forssell has zero goals and only 3 assists. That can only mean someone on his line is playing terribly. Ryan Hartman, I’m looking at you. Hartman has a -10 turnover ratio and just 1 assist. Hey Hartman, pass the puck to #20. Mystery solved.
Bern – Wimpy wings: Bern’s star wingers are not living up to their reputations. Andrey Bykov was signed as a free agent and was expected to ignite the Interrail offense, especially on a line with talented Patrick Kane. But while their center, Mika Zibanejad, has done his part and is in the EURO’s Top 10 in shots and takeaways, the wings need to do better. In 18 games, Bykov has 9 points and is -16, while Kane has 11 points and is -17.
Bratislava – Tall guy, low play: Tyler Myers hasn’t done much for Bratislava, although they are at the top of the standings. The speculation is he has a hurt wrist, but whatever the reason the big veteran who has blasted in between 14 and 25 goals in each of the previous 7 seasons has attempted just 9 shots on goal and has zero goals through 15 games.
Copenhagen – Johnny, where’d you Gaudreau? Top center Auston Matthews is scorching scoresheets and Vince Trocheck has been fantastic as Brandon Dubinsky’s replacement on the second line, but Johnny Gaudreau needs to get it cranked up. He’s third on his three-person line scoring and the biggest reason that trio is -4 so far.
Dublin – Triple Trouble: The Fighting Irish have 3 forwards whose names are much bigger in the NHL than they are with Websim attributes. Mikko Rantanen, Teuvo Teravainen and Nikita Kucherov are 13th, 14th and 15th on the team in scoring. In the NHL, they are used to be 1st or close to it. Teravainen and Kucherov still haven’t scored a goal. Put all their points together (12) and they are still being outscored by Ville Vahalahti of Athens.
Edinburgh – Pass to our team, Strome advises: The Capitals’ third line wingers – Dominik Kubalik and Brett Connelly have kind of been passengers compared to their teammates this season. Kubalik is just a kid at 21, but he should probably be following center Dylan Strome’s example, rather than his other linemate’s. Connelly has 4 goals, but just 1 assist and his turnover ratio is -7. Kubalik has 1 goal (and 6 assists, which is good) with a turnover ratio of -9.
Geneva – Swiss misses: The Generals are playing 2 centers short right now, but the bigger problem is on defense, where they seem all discombobulated. Colton Parayko should have more than 4 points in 18 games, Eric Gelinas shouldn’t have a -6 turnover ratio and Brandon Carlo should be better than a -12 in plus-minus.
Gothenburg – Hole-y Goalie: The top forward line in Gothenburg is arguably the best in the league right now and newcomer P.K. Subban is performing very well. Something must be holding this team back in the incredibly tough Kharlamov Division. Pekka Rinne seems to be faltering finally at age 39 and Ben Scrivens hasn’t been able to do a lot better as his backup. Rinne with a save percentage of only 88.7 doesn’t seem right.
Helsinki – Price isn’t right: Helsinki could very well be the best team in the league, but Carey Price is only 21st in save percentage (87.9). The Jokerit desperately need the 34-year-old to get back into the 90s, where he has resided almost his entire career. Also, their powerplay is … well, see Oslo.
Lisbon – Stamkos lagging: While Max Domi seems to have benefitted from playing with John Tavares and Steven Stamkos, the latter is dragging them down a bit. Tavares has 22 points and is +1, Domi has 20 points and is +2, while Stamkos has 12 points and is -4.
London – A saad, saad story: The Fighting Royals are bursting at the seams with skilled forwards, especially on the left side, where Brandon Saad has been baad. He has been given top line minutes but is being outscored on the team by 7 other forwards and a defenseman. One goal in 15 games? When the contact-averse winger returns from a groin injury, Saad might have trouble getting back into the lineup, let alone the top line.
Madrid – The Royals are struggling this season, but it’s hard to pick out one of two guys who are having surprisingly poor starts. No one is having that fantastic of a year or that bad of one. But if you compare defense partners Simon Despres and Alex Trivellato, we have a loser. Despres isn’t lighting it up offensively (6 points in 18 games) but he seems to have forgotten what to do in Madrid’s half of the ice. He is a -9 with 9 takeaways and 9 blocked shots. Among EURO defensemen, he is ranked 138th in blocks, 89th in takeaways and 16th worst in plus-minus.
Milan – Muzzin Person Report: Jake Muzzin scored 20 goals last season for the Guerriero. He has 1 this season. Muzzin and Danny Dekeyser make up one of the best defense pairs in hockey, but if they aren’t producing offense – and the other four blueliners on the team aren’t – then Milan will have trouble.
Minsk – Keep opponents from shooting: The Hussars are flying up the standings and look like real Cup contenders. Goalie Simeon Varlamov must be killing it, right? Nope. He’s 15th-best in save percentage (88.5), 18th-best if you include the three non-starters ahead of him on the league list. The Russian is 33 years old and if he doesn’t improve, then this will be his worst save percentage season in 11 seasons. He could establish a career-best in wins, this season, but if he does, he should credit the team in front of him.
Moscow – Slow on the draw: Bernd Wolf leads the league’s defensemen in turnovers and he has zero points in 18 games. It’s too easy to pick on him. So here is an obscure stat that some think is pretty important: If you look at all centers in the league who have played regularly, David Backes is the second-worst at winning faceoffs with a 40.7 win percentage. The 37-year-old American centers the second line with Boone Jenner and Kyle Palmieri on his wings and the line is doing very well for the team, but they would be doing a lot better if Backes can boost his faceoff numbers.
Munich – Miese Amerikaner: Two American right wings have really let the Red Bulls down this season. Bobby Ryan, has only been able to muster 2 goals and 2 assists in 10 games so far on the top line. Budding star Clayton Keller hasn’t gotten much ice time, but 6 points and a -8 rating through 18 games is ridiculous. Fans saw him score 49 points last season and expect more out of him.
Olso – Decline those penalties: The Outlaws’ powerplay units have scored on 10 percent of their opportunities. That’s putrid; No offense to Oslo or Helsinki and their 9 percent success rate. Oslo and Berlin are tied for second-worst in goals per game and the Outlaws would be out of that neighborhood if the PP would pick it up. Oslo has just 7 PPGs and 2 of them belong to defenseman Shayne Gostisbehere. Tyler Seguin? Zero.
Paris – Left Bank Erosion: Rouge Eiffels goalie Philipp Grubauer has done remarkably well as a starting goalie playing in Tuukka Rask’s wake. Paris is currently 8th in the league standings and with all the salary cap trouble and subsequent low-level talent inserted in the lineup, it’s hard to identify anyone who is playing below expectations. But we feel like picking someone and Marius Holtet, you’re it. But only for your defensive play. Eight goals scored in 18 games is great, but we’re not going to let it block out -12 turnover ratio. Actually, all the left wings on the team have poor turnover ratios. What’s going on there?
Prague – Scheifele schucking right now: Prague is 24th in the league and they shouldn’t be. Coach Bruce Cassidy might want to consider shuffling things up because the top line really isn’t getting the job done. Mark Scheifele is playing a taxing 28 minutes per game and his -22 rating through 17 games is the worst in the league, followed closely by linemates Jimmie Ericsson and Alex Galchenyuk, both -20.
St. Petersburg – Black holes among the red stars: The Krasnyye Zvezdy have a real battle on their hands to get into the playoffs from the Kharlamov Division and they will need all hands on deck. That means you, 5 and 6 defensemen Nick Holden and Denis Gribko, but it also means the forwards who are not winning the second-line right wing job. Corey Perry is a bit fragile these days and he’s playing like it, and Roman Starchenko, the Kazakh winger they hoped would fit the bill, has just 1 goal and is giving the puck away too much.
Stockholm – Cage that Eagle: The Eagles are in the running for the Cup this season for sure, with Braden Holtby at the top of his game. As a team, they are in the top 10 in most areas and that includes penalty minutes. Most of that is Wayne Simmonds on the right wing of the top line. He leads the league by a lot in PIMs with 82 in 18 games. Simmonds has been so busy protecting linemates Alexander Ovechkin and Jack Eichel that he has only gotten around to scoring 7 points this season. His -10 rating is nothing to brag about either. But Simmonds apparently has a big role to play on the Stockholm team and it seems to be working for them.
Zurich – Slappers needed: The most regal lion of the pride in Zurich is Patrice Bergeron and he continues to contribute all over the ice, even at age 36 and with 805 games played. He’s not a problem. The Lions could really use more offense and puck possession time from the defense corps. Charlie McAvoy, Jacob Trouba, Daniel Fernholm and Tyson Barrie get the most ice time back there and they have combined for 5 goals. And Fernholm has turned over the puck way too much. In fact, only Bernd Wolf has turned the puck over more among EURO defensemen. Goalie John Gibson is probably in favor of his defensemen holding onto the puck more and then scoring goals.
