World Cup tourney will settle question of which nation is best

To settle the burning question about which nation plays hockey the best, league officials have agreed to conduct the first World Cup of Hockey.

“Unity will not come to our league until we settle this question, and that’s why we will let the nations put their pucks where their mouths are and play for a new trophy,” said League Commissioner Chuck Massaro. “Bern (Paja Jansson) has graciously agreed to host the tournament to help put an end to this bickering that’s gone on recently on the ice and in the lockerrooms. The rancor is expanding into the stadiums and the streets and we need it to stop.”

Massaro said while most people are being “reasonable” when the topic comes up and not enflaming the situation, others are raising the anxiety level. Some have only subtly insulted others … and then there are the guys from the British Isles.

“All you bloody tossers can’t even watch the telly right!,” screamed London Saracens General Manager Mike Suk. “ How can you think you play the game right? Only a proper English hooligan knows how to hit someone on skates and play this game the right way. All you slags do is preen around playing with your knobs and try to call yourselves hockey players. Ya’ll a bunch of barmy plonkers!”

Milan GM David Bell showed his true colors by stating “Everyone knows that if it isn’t Scottish, it’s CRAP! So let’s settle this proper. Give both the players a Scottish dirk and let them go at it in a Blatter sponsored pay-per-view “event”. No Euro league branding on it so that Blatter can deny it’s a sanctioned event. Obviously some simple rules, like slashing only, no stabbing or killing each other. The first one to give in is obviously the inferior hockey player and rightly we get to conclude which nationality is the lesser at hockey.”

A Russian sentiment was pretty direct. “ Let Russian step in and stir this shit up like we like to do! Maybe maple boys are the best at this game, but everyone knows, that we play it the best,” said Igor Kirunov of the Minsk Hussars.

Canadian Martin Sayle, GM of the Copenhagen Tridents, was more polite but just as annoying: “Sorry to have offended the other nations with our superiority – it’s Canada’s game for a reason – so sorry, sorry sorry…”

And like he always does, Berlin GM Guybrush Threepwood used Erik Forssell as a weapon, pointing out that the acknowledged greatest player ever is Swedish, so that must mean the Swedes are the best.

Commissioner Massaro said “this conversation is going nowhere and it is obvious the only way to settle this argument is on the ice.”

So how do we do this?

Paja Janssen of Bern will basically run the tournament and simulate it using EA Sports NHL 18.

I will present the basic overview below and dribble out the details in the coming days on the blog at https://eurohockeyleague.wordpress.com

The teams:

Team Canada – 26 and older
Team USA – 26 and older
Team North America – 25 and younger
Team Sweden
Team Czech Republic
Team Finland
Team Russia
Team Europe (Europe and Rest of the World)

Management

We will need one EURO general manager to take control of each team. The responsibilities will include selecting the roster (part of it at least) and setting the lineups, including power play and penalty killing units. If you are interested in taking a team, send a message to the Commissioner and Bern and tell us what your priority list is. For example: “I would like to coach 1. Team North America; 2. Team Czech Republic; 3. Canada; … (TRY TO LIST 8 TEAMS IF YOU CAN)”

We expect more than 8 of us will be interested in doing this, so once everyone has submitted their wish lists, a random method of selection will be used to decide who picks first to eighth. Some will – unfortunately – get shut out. More on this later.

Rosters

Paja has already done a ton of work, setting up players in EA Sports and editing their attributes. We don’t think too many will object if Erik Karlsson makes Team Sweden, and Ovechkin plays for Russia, but picking the fringe players will be crucial. For example, Jordan Staal is killing it for Minsk this season in the EURO. Should he represent Team Canada?

Eligibility:

If a player has dual citizenship, he belongs to the team where he has played his career. For example: Galchenyuk belongs to North America, Sherbatov to Europe/World, Zibanejad to Sweden, Bykov to Europe. Websim has a lot of errors on players’ nationalities, so if people are uncertain, cross check with Eliteprospects. (Maxim Chudinov for example). If there are tough calls to be made on any players, Paja will make them because he has already done so much work on this.

The Games

As previously stated, games will be simulated on NHL 18. We plan to document the whole tournament with game stories, statistics, standings and photos on a separate website similar to the league blog. More on this later.